


My Body is Ready Like Rambo

by ShamanicShaymin



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bad Sex, Deliberate Badfic, IKEA Sex, M/M, Out of Character, POV First Person, Parody, Purple Prose, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:00:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamanicShaymin/pseuds/ShamanicShaymin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marshal and Grimsley smut written in the style of E.L. James' "50 Shades of Grey" trilogy, complete with brainless protagonists, abusive boyfriends, repetitious dialogue, boring sex, and the misinterpretation of classic literature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Body is Ready Like Rambo

**Author's Note:**

> In case you couldn't tell, this is a parody. I'm not normally confident about emulating another author's style, but it was surprisingly easy with E.L. James. Whether or not you've read 50 Shades, hopefully you'll get a laugh out of this. Continuity errors, of course, are completely intentional. Originally posted on Plurk, then later cleaned up for publication. :)

"Stop biting your lip, Marshal." My Fifty Shades says. "You know it turns me on."

Holy shit. Grimsley is not tired, after all this time? What would he want with a famous Elite 4 member like me? I'm blond, but still!

"You're not a goddamn light switch." I tell him. Good thing I got all As in my English class when we read the Scarlet Letter and Gatsby. How else would I come up with such a clever quip? After all, Grimsley's not talking about sex, is he?  
"You're such a mystery, Marshal." His icy-blue eyes freezes into mine. Oh my. "Why don't we go back to my room and get acquainted some more?"

The Dracula Room of Doom? Does Grimsley really want to fuck me? My inner warrior is doing cheers like an audience member of WWE.

_Goddammit Marshal!_ My subconscious rudely interrupts. _Don't you have training to do? You know that Grimsley is dangerous, even though your Pokémon team clearly has a type advantage over his!_

I tell my subconscious to fuck off. Grimsley takes me by the hand, and I feel static electricity coursing between us. No Emolgas here.

"Shall we?" Grimsley smirks. "I'm going to brand you and make you mine, so you'll have your own Scarlet Letter. You will be shamed before the entire Pokémon League."

I flush. Dear god, that man is hot.

* * *

"Wait a minute!" I shout as Grimsley ties my hands behind my back with his scarf. "I didn't agree to this!"  
"Agree to what, Marshal?"  
"Any of this BDSM crap!" Why won't you let me touch you, Grimsley? Is it because your parents gambled away their wealth and BDSM is the only love that you'll accept? I'm suddenly very jealous of Grimsley's Liepard. Stupid Liepard! How dare she be Grimsley's closest friend!

"Do you remember that contract you signed that you didn't read?" Grimsley grins wickedly, and leans closer.  
"What?" I flush.  
"You just agreed to be my sub, and I don’t mean the sandwich. Therefore, I can do whatever I want to you. You must obey me at all times. Are we clear on this now?" Holy Basculin of both colors.  
"Fine!" I growl.  
"Stop biting your lip, or we'll be doing this without lube." Grimsley says. Oh my.  
My inner warrior wants him to hurry up. He wastes no time in stripping me of all my clothes. Oh my god! I'm naked in front of Grimsley! Grimsley peels himself out of his immaculate suit. He lays his naked body over mine. Holy Magicarp. Grimsley is so hot. His skin is pale like a goddamn Adonis and his raven hair is darker than Edgar Allan Poe's Honchcrow. I feel his erection against my belly. _Oh my…_ he wants me. His icy-blue gaze freezes into mine.  
"Your skin is flawless, Marshal." Grimsley smirks, stroking down my chest and pectorals, and inches close to... _down there._ My inner warrior puts up a "brb fapping" sign. Grimsley sinks down and begins licking the tip of my penis. I groan loudly. He grabs my behind with both hands as he keeps up the lust.  
"Isn't this nice?" He whispers sexily. I blush.  
Grimsley touches my scrotum and I am about to come when he stops. This is such torture!  
"Oh please!" I groan.  
"I haven't punished you yet, babe." Grimsley's wicked icy-blue gaze freezes into mine.  
"What do you mean, punish?"  
"This is BDSM, remember?"  
 _Holy shit._ "I forgot."  
"You'll remember now. And I'll make sure you never forget. Your body certainly won't."  
My Fifty Shades takes out a Pokéball (not the ones _down there._ It makes me flush thinking about it) and releases Bisharp.  
"Bisharp, fetch me my riding crop!" He commands. God, he's such a control freak. Why does he always have to give his Pokémon orders? Especially in battle?

Bisharp is quick, and gleefully hands it to his master. _MY master,_ I seethe jealously inside.

I feel the bite of the riding crop against my behind. Ow!

"I think our Pokémon will be rather entertained by this. Shall I release them?" He wants our Pokémon to watch us? Holy Feebas.  
"I can't reach my balls." I say with a flush (because I don't mean _down there!_ )  
"Fair point. Well-made as ever, Marshal." He smirks. "I know how to rectify the situation." 

He lets all of his Pokemon out, and then he lets all of my Pokémon out. Our teams sit together and start betting which one of us will come first.

"Ow! Ow!" I cry and a blush covers my cheeks (both sets!) as Grimsley smacks me again and again. Oh my. I feel like Icarus flying too close to the sun, if only because the riding crop fucking smarts. I tell Grimsley this, but he says that it was actually the other way around. He was like a Volcarona getting burned by being too close to the sun.

"Wait a minute!" I think out loud. "Isn't Volcarona a fire-type? According to legend, didn't it provide a replacement for the sun? Wouldn't it be better to use Venomoth for the analogy?"  
Ow! I get another whack for that.  
"Are you enjoying yourself, Marshal?" Grimsley asks with a wicked gleam in his icy-blue eyes.  
"Actually, I am." I say.  
"Oh dear, we can't have that. You need to be in pain."  
"I _am_ in pain!" Whack!  
"Then say the safe word."  
"Pinap berry!" I grumble. My inner warrior is roaring like Conan the Barbarian.  
"Good boy." Grimsley gives one of his rare smiles. I blush.

My Fifty Shades tosses the riding crop and my Mienshao jumps and catches it like a wedding bouquet.

"So we're going to do the hardcore stuff now?" I ask.  
"Of course not." Grimsley chuckles. "Instead, I'm going to claim your ass, true vanilla-style."

Oh my. Grimsley is so kinky!

"Do it, Grimsley. Own me like you do those roulette machines and make me explode like in Voltorb Flip!" I cry. Even my subconscious thinks that sounds stupid. But my inner warrior doesn’t care. He’s spinning around a pole like Gene Kelly in "Singing in the Rain."  
Grimsley slaps me across the face. 

"I'm the one who gives orders around here, not you." He sneers. God he's so hot.

His Scrafty gives him a lube packet. Grimsley rubs the lube all over _down there_ and he forces me inside his behind. "Oh yeah, baby. You're so big." I blush.

I thrust and I thrust and he moves and he moves. 

"You. Are. So. Won. Der. Ful." Grimsley says in staccato. Holy Meloetta! My subconscious is woozy and faints like a fangirl watching yaoi porn. My inner warrior feels like Rocky Balboa when he won the championship. My balls are going to explode. I come strongly and so does he. My Pokemon and his Pokemon are confused because they don't know who won. Oh my.

I'm no longer inside his bottom and Grimsley unties his scarf and frees me.

“Now you belong to me and no one else.” Grimsley breathes. “Forever.” It is true. Grimsley has officially become my Scarlet Letter. My Fifty Shades.

Holy shit! Suddenly, Hilda is standing in front of us, tapping her foot and looking cross.

"Are you guys done yet? I've beaten Caitlin and Shauntal ages ago, and my team is getting restless."

My inner warrior hides behind my subconscious as Grimsley and I make the Edvard Munch face.


End file.
